Silences..

it's been said that words can kill - i have to strongly disagree.

silence is deadlier.

after weeks of searching, i finally found the answer i wanted from someone. it wasn't a pretty answer - heck, there was no answer.. but the silence told more than any sentence ever could.

the silence hurt me more than any word ever said against me, and insult hurled at my face, any curse slammed into me.

it cut through me like a hot knife through lard.



NO, ITS NOTHING TO DO WITH BGR. =.=




only today in the Global Day Of Prayer event did i realise something:

maybe i've loved and cared for the wrong people.
people who don't even realise that i love and care for them.
and i haven't loved and cared for those who do love and care for me.

as a wise friend of mine put it: "In a weird, horrible twisted way i think we tend to love those who don't return it even more deeply than those who do - though it hurts."

that sentence sums it all up.
thank you, wise friend. and the other wise friends who were not quoted but were equally as important.

i should start loving you people more.




and i do have to love people who offend me more too.
even though i do get cheap shotted.

comparing transformers to soccer is like comparing coconuts to spongebob.
comparing transformers to my time with God is even worse.

it's like asking if one spends more time praying or sleeping?
if one spends more time sleeping, would sleeping be more important than God?

it's totally two different activities.
for more info on my POV, read this.

but of course, if one is too self-righteous to find out how i feel, then one can jolly well go LLST. (that's lan lan suck thumb to you hokkien noobs.)

what comforts me is that i know the people who understand are the ones who matter. if one thinks ian cheng liang hui is too immature for one's lifestyle, one can go LLSTOT.
(that's lan lan suck the other thumb to you noobs.)






i have people who care for me and love me. =)
cheap shots don't work as well as they did.






don't get me wrong, i still do hurt - my fats dont clog my emotions, FYI.

i do seem to be smiling 80% of the time, but a smile doesn't mean i'm happy, does it?
to quote another wise friend of mine - "you hide your emotions well."
fake smiles are sometimes all one can plaster on one's face.. though frowning's very much easier.

i feel a smile's more apt for more situations than a frown.
as i explained to our dear YC Pastor Darren today - i can react two ways.
1) smile like all's right with the world
2) be sad and emo about it.

nobody really gives a bullpoop about sad and emo people nowadays - so there's no point using (2). i'd rather smile.

why give people the pleasure of seeing their insults get to you, right?
the sadder i feel, the more reasons i find to smile.

James 1:2-7

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=james%201&version=31

speaking biblically, if i give in and be all emo, won't the devil feed off my sadness and make me sink deeper into the grave i dug for myself all too many years ago?
most step macho fellas would think such things mean nothing - but to an ugly, fat slob with low self-esteem, this hurts more than any physical injury or wound.

no, i can't confront someone face to face - i gotta do it through my blog simply because i'm better at writing, and i know what i wanna type. i don't have the confidence to speak - hey, what does "low self-esteem" tell you anyway?

in the face of adversity, i will deny the evil one and his pathetic minions my frown.. and delight the Lord with my smile.



i consider this pure joy.. this trial is nothing.

the past was so much more joyful.