AVP-R.
Alien Vs Predator - Requiem.

First look: the poster brings one to think that its a worldwide thing - with preds on one side and aliens on the other. and the tagline's cheesy.

Camera Work: 3/10.
the camerawork was bad. VERY bad.
the fights were shaky and the lighting was horrendous. i swear, most of the movie was too dark to make anything out properly.

Storyline: 1/10.
remember the pred from AVP? the one who got impregnated and had the chestburster come out at the end of the movie? yeah, that pred. he was escorted onboard the ship by a group of preds including this really royal high class looking one right?

guess what. this time, the ship only has ONE pred. where did the rest go? to the north pole to make merry with santa's elves?

the ship crashes because the little predalien chestburster grows into a fully-blown xenomorph in a matter of MINUTES. how is that possible? aliens originally needed at least DAYS. argue all you want - 'it's a hybrid what? more power correct?'.

well, the normal aliens in the film all grew in a matter of minutes too. which is too weird to be true. such a huge shift in mass? this ain't men in black.

so the aliens descend upon this happy little down and start to infect it. effort points here for the gore - which was totally not needed.

so basically this predator gets sent to mop the mess up the aliens made - a pred with no link to any other preds whatsoever. not the other pred's uncle/father/mother/toyboy. just some random hunter. so he sets off to earth and gets there in one piece. he fights aliens and dissolves both aliens and human bodies with this TINY vial that never runs outta acid.

then he fights. insert shaky camerawork here.

the humans run. insert shaky camerawork here plus heavy breathing.

humans die. insert gore here.

army fella decides to nuke the town. boom. everyone dies.

oh happy day.




WHAT KINDA STORYLINE IS THAT? a nuke?
the storywriters ran outta ideas or what?

"hey jim?"
"yeah?"
"wanna go for a coffee break?"
"but i still have the ending to write!"
"screw it, i need to take a piss NOW."
"argh.. but i need to finish it before the boss blows his top!"
"GIMME THAT PEN!"

*scuffling sounds*

"army... guy... nukes... town. THERE. done."
"but.. but.."
"SHADDAP, JIM. LET'S GO!"

that's probably what happened seeing as the ending didnt make ANY sense.

Effects: 5/10.

the predalien looked awesome, the aliens looked like they've always looked - but the pred.
THE PRED.
looked like a wimp.
WHO WANTS A WIMPY WARRIOR?
urgh.
'nuff said.



for the benefit of those who haven't watched the show:
please, don't waste your money. even high school musical has more storyline.




choice quote of the movie:
"BUT THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T LIE TO US!"
snicker.
chortle.
chuckle.