When Life Gives You Lemons..

this is totally awesome and nostalgic.

these days haven't been the best of days - i lost a box belonging to a limited edition run japan-exclusive toy (the toy's worthless now thanks to the box, or lack thereof) and have probably lost my mind as well.

and a few other non-material things.

what i did get was a small childhood wish fulfilled - owning a particular toy:

Beast Wars Snapper.

lookit the little fella.

turtles are da bomb. (coincidentally the actual toy size is about the size depicted in the above pictures).

sometimes in life it's the little, simple things that make you smile..

..or are they?

is being easily contented a blessing or curse?

sometimes you really have to look and marvel at the fact of how the more shameless people get, the more attention and adoration they get.

the materialistic, flambuoyant culture that spreads far and wide welcomes those who embrace it, and those who shun it get shunned by the general populace who have been assimilated.

my morals and values (as well as my disposition) prevent me from doing so, but one thing i can't stand seeing is people who, in their entirety, fail to show any discernable sign of being remotely civil and sane and yet are surrounded by people who seemingly love and care for them and have friends who are constantly there for them.

how on earth does it even work this way?!

some people manage to grow up with a relatively nice and good environment - they can laugh, smile and frolic without a care in life while others are kicked into the dirty ditch of circumstance, left for dead.

...this world is complete, complete bull.

Broken.

the feeling of total helplessness is a feeling i daresay not experienced by many, even during their entire lifetimes. it's not something anyone should or would want to experience - but yet it comes, as unavoidable as a cyclone or earthquake.

total helplessness is not the feeling that comes with not being able to complete a crucial examination paper or getting bad grades; neither is it the feeling of being stuck on a project with nothing to aid oneself. it's not the feeling of being alone on valentine's day, nor is it the feeling of losing a handphone or wallet.

total helplessness comes with not being able to do or say anything that would otherwise influence an unfavourable outcome stemming from a current problem.

i envy those with good parent(s) - those who bother to take time and speak to their children, encourage and nurture them, and generally care about the well-being of their offspring.

i envy those who don't need to live in fear everyday - constantly looking over one's shoulder and retracing my words and footsteps, meticulously doing everything to the letter and ensuring that something's perfectly in place to avoid conflict, or being careful not to spout a single word that would offend and turn the entire house into a bar-room brawl in a second.

i'm not talking about just having a simple quarrel with parents which blows over the next morning - it's far more than just that. if one thinks a usual quarrel involves condemning, discouraging, cursing, threatening to smash possesions or breaking ties, spewing vulgarities and physical violence (usually with the intent of spilling blood), then something is seriously wrong.

my heart aches everytime i see a parent talking to their child - smiling and conversing without a care. i see them talking as if they were friends; i can feel the warmth of their smiles toward each other.

the feeling of having a warm hug from a parent, the feeling of a gentle nudge when one is out of line, the feeling of having a proper casual conversation without fear that something will trigger off a spate of violence, the feeling of recieving a simple smile or words of encouragement from a parent, or hearing those precious three words: "I Love You." - those feelings are priceless.

i have never known what they feel like.

probably never will.

i was put here for a reason - and i know i won't be given anything i cannot handle; but i can't for the life of me understand the underlying reasons behind my plight.

this is the feeling of total helplessness - knowing that aside from divine intervention, nothing else can change whatever's happening now. Nothing.

i am broken.

Jesus, i need you now, more than ever.

i really, really do.

please.

Good Day!

a 3-parter post:

(1) 

today appeared to be a good day when i finished class at 11.

the sun was hiding behind the clouds, a cool breeze was blowing and i had nary a care in the world.

the whole day was without any agenda so i decided to go get some toys.

i bought a NECA Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter 4:

(pics belong to raydaimon from fwoosh)

as with all good days, something was bound to go wrong.. and it did.

as i reached home and opened the fresh, crisp new packaging, i cut myself on the sharp edge of the plastic.

but that wasn't a problem, so i carried on.

i continued slitting the plastic cover until the tray inside containing ryu was free. i undid the twist ties and was about to set ryu free from his plastic prison.

and then i lifted his limp body out of the tray..

..and his right arm stayed in the tray.

his shoulder had BROKEN in the joint.

could this day get any worse?

apparently it did.

i quickly went online to search for several means and methods where i could repair ryu's broken plastic ring which attached his shoulder to his body. after much searching, i found NOTHING.

in a brief epiphany, i cracked open a half-destroyed transformer from my spare parts bin and dug out a joint from its carcass - i then proceeded to try to knock a plastic rod out of ryu's shoulder to fit the joint in with a small screwdriver.

and i stabbed myself in the finger.

deep.

hard.

in the end, i managed to fix ryu - he looks good as new, although modified (justin calls it bio-enhanced).

Ryu has my blood all over his white gi.

...i swear he looks like ken now.

*as of 1:46am, 13/02/2009, i have broken Ryu three times, fixed him four times, stabbed myself twice and cut myself five times.

(2)

i filled up this facebook quiz/survey thing yesterday.

it was my first time doing such a thing.. and probably my last.

these things just don't warrant that much time and attention spent on them.

here it is: 25 Random Things.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right-hand corner of the page), then click Publish.)

1) I weigh from 98kg to 101kg, depending on how much i eat (and subsequently poop) a day.

2) Contrary to popular belief, i am not 110kg and have never been (and hopefully will never be)

3) I collect toys and am one of the youngest collectors in the scene.

4) I like Transformers and have been a fan since i was young.

5) I like Kamen Riders and have been a fan since i was introduced to it by a friend last year.

6) Anybody who thinks I'm childish should read this quote: (if one calls me childish and yet does not understand this, that person in question should not be very mature themselves.)

“Critics who treat "adult" as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adults themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence...."

— C. S. Lewis, On Three Ways of Writing for Children

7) I HATE people who chide me on being immature and childish. See above quote.

8) I was born one month after Roald Dahl died.

9) My birthday falls on Children's Day.

10) My birthday shares the same date as China's National Day.

11) I sold my Nintendo DS Lite to get a PSP.

12) I sold my PSP to get an Xbox 360.

13) I'm a big fan of games/movies involving Zombies.

14) I like turtles.

15) I like wolves.

16) I love dinosaurs.

17) Transformers which turn into those 3 animals are my favourites.

18) I abhor rich people who live relatively carefree lives with nary a trouble or worry and have supportive parents who back whatever they do.

19) I feel like punching said rich people in the face when they tell someone to 'get over' something - especially when they've experienced hardly any troubles or worries.

20) Clowns are evil.

21) No, life is not full of rainbows and butterflies.

22) Life is, and will always be inherently negative - pessimists are really down-to-earth people who manage to see the reality in every situation. Optimists are people who think things will never go wrong - until reality kicks them in the teeth. Then they become pessimists.

23) That's what happened to me.

24) I believe that flowers need poop to grow well. Similarly, people who experience troubles and negative experiences will eventually turn out better than those who aren't nourished by said poop.

25) Jesus is pure win.

(3)
the Physical Training Phase for FAT PEOPLE in NS has been doubled:

SINGAPORE: The Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has decided to extend the Physical Training Phase (PTP) for National Service enlistees who fail to get NAPFA (National Physical Fitness Assessment) test silver award. 

The PTP will be extended from four weeks to eight weeks, but the overall duration of full-time two-year National Service will remain unchanged for these enlistees. 

The eight-week PTP will be implemented for those enlisted from December 2009. 

19-year-old Singapore Polytechnic student Dexter Tay is quite sure he will have to serve the extra month of physical training when he enlists in 2010. 

"I've been failing my NAPFA test from Secondary One to Secondary Four - altogether including the re-tests - about 10 times. And I've been having difficulty during my 2.4 (km) runs and sometimes sit-ups... If I'm really unfit and it (the extension) will benefit me, then it's okay; it's just an additional one month, not a year," said Tay, a National Service enlistee in 2010. 

Second Defence Minister Dr Ng Eng Hen explained that enlistees are split into two groups. 

For those who have obtained the National Physical Fitness Silver Award, about half go directly for Basic Military Training (BMT). The remaining half attend a four-week PTP. 

Second Defence Minister Dr Ng Eng Hen, speaking in Parliament on Thursday, said: "Four weeks of PTP does improve their physical performance. Even after four weeks, many still do not reach the same level of fitness when compared to their peers who were enlisted directly for BMT. 

So MINDEF and the SAF have decided to extend PTP from four to eight weeks. This will ensure a more uniform level of fitness amongst the recruits when they start their BMT. 

After the recruits have completed their eight weeks of the physical training phase, they will then start serving their one year and 10 months of full-time national service. 

Dr Ng however hopes that young male Singaporeans will not get the wrong idea and neglect or reduce regular exercise. That is because eight weeks of PTP may still be inadequate for those in poor physical condition. 

Dr Ng added that MINDEF also regularly reviewed the recognition accorded to NSmen after they complete their full time national service. And it will convene RECORD V next month. 

It will build on the work done by the first four committees, and recommend further ways to recognise the contributions of NSmen. 

- CNA/ir/ls 

source: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/408531/1/.html

i am SO dead.

Solemn Bus Rides.

the world passes by, ever so fleeting, ever so quickly - past the trees, past the streetlights, past the many people who know not my face or name - but yet for that brief, infinitesmally short moment, our paths cross.

how different can other people's lives be? 

some are sporty, outgoing people - they enjoy being with their peers and can boast of many friendships; people clamouring for their attention and forming a line just to talk to them.

others are quiter, more reserved - however, they still have their little circle of close friends, and they are able to gel together to the point of being inseperable. in this little group, friendships are secure and tight.

and then there's me.

the overweight, overeating bum who sits on his chair and faces his computer day in, day out with nothing but his toys to keep him company. 

walking alone even with a group of people, silently observing and longing while others engage in active conversation about topics he cannot fully comprehend or contribute to.

the gaming junkie who has little or no social life, knowing nothing else to talk about except games and comics and transformers.

the useless group mate who can't contribute much in group discussions and meetings; the one who's just there for the sake of being there. the student who attends school without aim or meaning. the group member whose ONLY usefulness stems from his obsession and knowledge with computers and technology that would otherwise be completely redundant outside of related circumstances.

it's tiring trying to be somebody i'm not. trying to change isn't gonna do anything but create more masks. putting on a facade in order to blend in but still failing miserably. putting on a mask just to show the happier side of things.

i'm so, so tired.